" "Well barely...I mean." "Aha I see; who were you married to: Queen Victoria?" "You might say that," I nodded emphasising my answer. "Just leave the rest in a box and I'll find a place later. I got noprovisions yet why don't you go make us some coffee. You've got coffee?" "Sure, I got cookies too." "Good bring it over when you're ready, we'll take a break." When Ireturned with a tray she was sitting at the kitchen table typing on alaptop. "Great um, smells good and homemade cookies, you still know how tocook." It was the first nice thing she'd said. "Well that's what I did in the army" I wondered why she said still. Ipushed a cookie plate close to her computer. We drank and ate cookies insilence while she tapped away "Well I think that will do for tomorrow's schedules, oh, wait there'sone more. Listen Mr; C. go run my bath, that box has towels and bathroomthings in it. You can unpack while it fills and oh, there bubble bathstuff somewhere in there too. I. I was never someone for conventional ideals and she certainly wasn't my first older woman. To me, the only thing that mattered was that the love was real but the thing that left me a muddled mess was that just because something is real doesn't mean it’s obtainable.Perhaps she was just that much wiser than me. I tried repeating that line from Now, Voyager In my head in order to keep myself grounded and realistic: "Don't let us ask for the moon, we have the stars." But I wasn't Bette Davis and the stars were never enough. Now that she's gone I'd take the stars over the nothingness she left behind.Though maybe nothingness isn't the right word as I had learned more from her in our short time about how to live and love than most people can hope to learn in a lifetime. Maude was a series of constant lessons, some that left me smiling, and some that left me crying.The candle of time burned away the days and months and now years. It changed me in some ways for the better and in other ways.
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